


Fonduementally Cracked

by Frimono



Category: Food Network RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cooking, Food Network - Freeform, Short, joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frimono/pseuds/Frimono
Summary: This is a page long joke of a fic, but it details a short scene where Alton Brown comforts his dying friend Chef Boyardee. They think back to where it all started, the death, destruction, and betrayal





	Fonduementally Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there. What you are about to read is a joke and I midkey regret everything. In all seriousness, this short fic follows a character as they die, so if that will impact you negatively, please don't read it. I know it's a joke, and it's only a page long, but you need to take care of yourself, okay?

Heres an excerpt from the fanfic "Fonduementally Cracked"

10k+ words, slow-ish burn, lovers to enemies, enemies to friends to lovers, Guy Fieri, Gordon Ramsey, Alton Brown, Chef Boiardi, Paula Deen, Guy Fieri’s Hair, Bobby Flay, Rachel Ray, Giada de Laurentiis, gay, vore (im kidding, silly, dont worry :p )

TWs: blood, guns, explosions, food, various cooking related triggers, broken families, and storms

Author's Note: I never expected this one page joke to become such a huge thing! Its only possible with all of the comments and kudos you leave. Thenks again for all of your support, I really appreciate it. 

Also! Please check out the spinoff fic of an earlier time, when everyone was a kid. Its called "Cook Before You Leap," and its a short but sweet coming of age fic. Anyways, heres teh next chapter, I know you were all dying (heh heh) to see it. 

Chef Boiardi's Note: WHY would you make that joke??? I'm not even sure if I'm still alive, and it's been months since you last posted

Author's Note 2: :O Sorry Boiardi, I didnt mean it!

~~~

Bobby and Gordon looked at each other. They locked eyes in an intense, almost unbearable silence. The few bystanders waited to see who would make the first move, not sure whether to flee or to stay and watch. The pair of chefs heard a gunshot, and reached down. They drew their knives and stabbed, twisting and running them sideways, cutting open the raw chicken. They quickly dispatched the parts they disliked, and quickly spiced the ones they did. Bobby employed a heftier, fuller flavor, using many peppers and earthy spices. Gordon preferred finer work, using saffron and subtle spices. Every now and then, they locked eyes, the ferocity in their glares hotter than the fires on the stoves. They prepared different dishes; Bobby having made roasted chicken with a corn and vegetable medley, and Gordon having made his chicken upon a bed of spinach, tomatoes, and mozzarella. As the panel of judges tasted the dishes, Boiardi looked down at his hands, and saw that they were covered with blood. He dropped the starting pistol and coughed. He coughed again and his world faded to black…

~~~

Boiardi opened his eyes and came back to the present. He sat on the floor and looked around the abandoned hotel room, the wind howling and the rain responding to its cry. He looked down again and saw the knife wound in his stomach, groaning in pain. A cigarette pushed its way into his mouth, and he accepted it wordlessly. As Boiardi turned to see who was offering this parting gift, he half expected to see the Grim Reaper himself, but only saw the regretful eyes of Alton Brown, who held out a lighter. Alton took a drag of his own and sighed.

"I'm sorry Boiardi."

"I know Alton, I know…" Boiardi coughed again, staining his apron with more blood. “You know, I never meant for any of this to happen. I only meant to raise spirits with the competition. I didn’t expect them to take it so seriously. I’m sorry too.” 

“I just wish they had let it go. I know I can’t change them, but I also can’t sit on the sidelines and allow them to hurt anyone else. I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire, old friend,” Alton said.

Boiardi replied “ Alton sighed again, and shifted to cradle the dying man. They sat there for some time, as Boiardi’s body shut down, the wind howled, and the rain responded to its cry.

~~~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my fic! If you want me to continue the story or want to otherwise let me know how I did, please let me know! I can keep going, and talk about how the rivalry between Gordon Ramsey and Bobby Flay formed a schism in the Fieri household, causing Gordon to leave Alton Brown, their child crying as they watch their dad walk out of the house for the last time. Alton goes into a panic and kills Chef Boyardee, leading to Guy Fieri's hair leaving him, and them having a fight with grenades. My creativity is our curse, and those who wish for more shall not go unpunished.


End file.
